


life is made of small moments like this

by boos



Category: SKAM (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multiverse, Parallel Universes
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-11-13
Updated: 2017-11-13
Packaged: 2019-02-01 17:33:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,626
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12709647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boos/pseuds/boos
Summary: Maybe I'll see you in another life / if this one wasn't enough.





	life is made of small moments like this

**Author's Note:**

> hey pals, so not only is this EXTREMELY SELF INDULGENT in so many ways, but its also old! and small! and overdone! and ordinary! but i stumbled upon this file from January tonight and i think since i've been thinking abt skam a lot lately (and gearing up to watch season 3 as a christmas activity) i rolled with it!! so here's this author's note i wrote from january:
> 
> listen… all i gotta say is i started watching skam bc of isak and even and then i became obsessed w the first two seasons and i was like Girl Squad how can this get any better? bitch when isak gave his parallel universe monologue i almost lost my damn mind because parallel universes are 1) my favourite concept in the entire entire world 2) all i think about
> 
> thank you for reading! i hope ya have a great day! ❤

In this universe, when Isak talks to Even about all of their infinite selves, Even takes it with him and buries it into his heart. He becomes a little obsessed with the idea and he carries it with him snugly in his chest.

When he panics and doesn’t see Isak for days, he thinks about the versions of them that are always together. When he runs his hands through Isak’s hair, he thinks about the versions of them that have never touched. Other times he thinks about the Even who, for some reason or another, has known Isak his whole entire life. The curtains are yellow in that universe too. Cardamom yellow.

__

In another universe, Even hates cardamom. Isak still loves him.

__

In another universe, they do know each other from the beginning. Even lives across the road and Isak’s house has the greenest grass he’s ever seen.

They grow up orbiting around one another, knowing that the other exists but never becoming more than school acquaintances. The longest interaction they ever had was when Even walked into the bathroom to find Isak throwing up and had to take him to the nurse. If you asked him, Even could count on his fingers the number of times they’ve talked in total. It doesn’t bother him because he doesn't know that it should. Whenever he hears Isak’s laughter passing by a classroom at school or drifting from an open window out of Isak’s house, Even doesn’t think anything of it. It’s natural; that laugh is supposed to be in his life because it always has been, always will be. He doesn’t think twice about it.

When Isak comes in as a first year at the Nissen School, Even is a third year this time. They see each other at a party and Isak’s internalized homophobia is just as nasty here as it is in so many worlds. 

They kiss and Isak runs away.

They kiss and Even runs away.

Two months later and finally they're sitting wrapped in bathrobes, in a hotel suite on the fifteenth floor of the building, and Isak goes, “Have you ever heard of parallel universes?”

Even smiles. “Do you think there’s one where you didn’t puke all over the tiles of the school bathroom?”

Isak scowls at him, and although it holds no real threat, Even still kisses it off of his face.

__

In another universe, the curtains are red. A deep, deep maroon.

__

In another universe, Isak is still in love with Jonas.

His crush festers into something wild and uncontrollable that takes up residence in too many places of his heart.

Even meets him the same way – the Kosegruppa, because he’d gone to stare at Isak’s lips – but this time it doesn’t matter. Isak slips away from the meeting early on, and when Even goes to find him, the school corridors are empty and unwelcoming. 

Every time Even sees him after that, Isak is following Jonas around like a lost puppy. No matter how hard Even tries to make them become anything more than friends, Isak can’t see anything but Jonas.

“You love him, don’t you?” Even asks him on the night of the pre-drink rave where Isak has pink paint smudged across his cheekbones. Even thinks, like he has so many times in so many different worlds, that Isak looks beautiful like this.

Isak looks at him uncomfortably, like he’d much rather be anywhere but here. “I don’t…” he trails off, and then laughs like it's a joke, like he’s so sure of himself. The laugh easily gets caught up in the music and voices all around them. He looks up at Even and continues confidently, “I don’t know what you mean.”

For some reason, it makes Even want to cry. He wants to shake it out of Isak, this false ego and this love that’s not for him but instead for a boy who won’t ever love Isak back. Even knows that he is not selfish, but there is something on his heart strings that just tugs and tugs whenever Isak’s in view. There is something about him Even just _wants_.

All he does is finish the last of his beer and smile down at Isak. “He’s straight. Save yourself the heartbreak.”

Isak’s eyes narrow in defense, and he scoffs before looking down at his drink like he can’t bear to look at Even’s face. His knuckles are white around his own beer can and suddenly he looks back up to Even like he has more to add. 

“You should – you should stay out of things that aren’t any of your business.” he says, and shoots Even one of the most murderous looks any Isak will give any Even in any universe. 

He pushes himself off the couch afterward with a scowl permanently on his features. It's only when he stands up does his face falter and he look a little lost, like he had been expecting to go find someone and realized that there was no one he wanted to go toward. Even stares after Isak in the crowd of people and thinks about going after him, but the thought is momentarily interrupted when Sonja drops down into his lap. 

Even sees Isak from across the room several times throughout the night, but he is always, always out of reach and almost always by Jonas’ side.

__

In another universe, they don’t meet at all.

Sometimes these worlds happen, where the red string is cut before the story even starts. Nothing much that happens here is out of the ordinary: Even falls in love with Sonja, Isak runs away to live in Noora’s old bedroom, and neither of the two knows the other exists. 

But sometimes Even feels something missing. Sometimes Sonja will show him a video on Youtube and in the back of Even’s mind he’ll think, _oh, Isak would love this._ He then catches onto the thought and holds it in his hands only to find he can’t remember the name. He just thought about someone who would love this, but he can’t remember their name. Why can’t he remember their _name_?

It’s like grasping onto straws.

One time, he tells Sonja about it, and she just looks at him with _that_ look. He never talks to her about it again, lest she think he’s even more crazy than he actually is.

For Isak, the emptiness is different. 

Even doesn’t come as missed thoughts in his brain or a name he can’t remember. The place Even was supposed to be rests like a bullet hole in his heart.

Some days, Isak will wake up and feel so empty he has to stay in bed all day and not move. Some days, Isak will wake up missing someone he doesn’t know the shape of. Some days, the cavern in his chest aches so harshly that he cries for reasons he doesn’t know the name for. 

One time, he talks to Jonas about it. It goes surprisingly well, but that’s only because Jonas is Jonas, and he is the only person Isak knows who is simultaneously soft and goofy at the same time.

After Isak tells him, Jonas eats his spaghetti and thinks thoughtfully about Isak’s predicament. He then picks up his beer and takes a swig of it before he finds his controller to start playing FIFA once more. They are fourteen and have just learned how to sneak the beer out of Jonas’ parents’ fridge. They think they are very cool.

“So like, something’s missing for you?” Jonas asks, a bit of a noodle hanging out of his mouth as he tries to concentrate on winning his match.

Isak fidgets then, suddenly feeling uncomfortable talking about this thing that he’s kept inside for so long. “Yeah,” he says, looking anywhere but Jonas’ face, rubbing absentmindedly on the middle of his chest, “but I can feel it. I don’t know. It’s stupid, I’m probably making it up.” His hand drops back into his lap.

But Jonas’ expression doesn’t change, and after a moment of silence that has Isak wanting to get up and run away, Jonas pauses his game of FIFA once more and goes, “So it’s kind of like _Pacific Rim_?”

Isak stops fidgeting and blinks. “What?” 

Jonas picks up his plate of noodles and talks through the spaghetti he shovels into his mouth, “It’s like in _Pacific Rim_ – you know, the one movie with the giant robots fighting like, Godzilla and shit – in the movie, each person has a co-pilot that they drive their robot with, but they’re, like, bonded with them. The main character goes through this whole thing where his brother, who was his co-pilot, dies, and because he was bonded with him he –”

“Jonas,” Isak says, trying to swallow down the sinking feeling of his – whatever this thing is – being compared to a fucking robot movie, “It’s fine.”

But Jonas is adamant. His eyes go wide and his big eyebrows shoot up when he realizes that he’s made Isak feel uncomfortable, “No, no! Bro, it’s like – it’s almost like _you’re_ bonded to someone the way they are in the movie. Except you don't know the person. Except your person isn’t here.”

Isak doesn’t feel comforted by the thought. “Yeah. I guess so.”

Jonas shrugs. “Maybe you just haven’t met them yet.”

The thought alleviates some small part of the anxiety in his chest. It eases the tension enough that Isak shoots Jonas a small smile, and remembers to be thankful that he has someone who doesn’t think he’s weird for this. “Yeah. Maybe.”

There’s nothing more to say, really, so the conversation drops off shortly and they go back to playing FIFA.

He never tells Jonas this, but Isak holds onto that idea for years, for _years_. Maybe you just haven’t met them yet.

There’s another universe where that’s true, where Isak aches but Even stumbles into his life somewhere down the line and soothes any hurt Isak ever had. There’s another universe where Isak and Even talk about the parts of themselves they thought were missing that they found in each other. There’s another universe where Isak and Even grow so old and happy together, they forget ever feeling that way. The curtains here are a soft gradient of pink, cardamom yellow, navy blue – so, so many worlds and so many different colors.

This is not any of those universes.

__

In another universe, Even accidentally spills coffee all over Isak’s homework while he’s studying at the cafe Even works at. He watches as Isak’s face turns red from frustration and then red from blushing when Even smiles at him in apology.

He starts coming to study every Sunday, and Even thinks of all the things he could do to ask Isak out in the most cliche of ways: writing his number and a smiley face on Isak’s coffee cup, or even a napkin, or maybe accidentally spilling coffee near him again just so Even can make a terrible pun that’s also an invitation on a date. He crosses the last one off pretty quickly after remembering Isak’s browned and soaked homework.

It turns out he never gets the chance to do any of these things. Isak shows up in the middle of the day on a Wednesday with his school bag slung over his back and his face determined. He gets his coffee and patiently waits until the lunch rush is over and Even can make his way over to say hi.

Before Even can get a word in, Isak blurts out, “Do you wanna – uhh – go out? Sometime?”

He’s clutching his coffee like his life depends on it, and his face is so red it reminds Even of the first time they met.

Even smiles, “Of course.”

The way Isak smiles back sets off fireworks that feel like pop rocks inside of Even’s chest.

__

In another universe, Sana introduces them.

She spots Even quickly on his first day at Nissen and, after the initial surprise of his presence, decides to stomp over to him and keep him company. Even is hesitant and uncomfortable at first, but they quickly get along like a house on fire like they always did over dinners, bickering and teasing with one another. Sana has Even smiling as bright as the sun while they walk to class.

It becomes routine: at least once a week they’ll grab lunch together and dish all about their lives, their lunch date ending with Even walking her to Biology.

One time, after they hug goodbye outside of the classroom, Sana walks into the classroom to find Isak looking up at her. 

He asks, “Who was that?”

“Just a friend.” she replies, getting out her notebook and textbook. “Why do you care?” 

Isak, suddenly discouraged, only shrugs.

She doesn’t think much of it until a week later when she’s having lunch with Even and he asks, “This is so random, but who’s that boy you sit with in Biology?”

Sana pauses for a moment, connecting the dots in her mind, before she produces a wicked smile. “His names Isak. I can introduce you to him, if you want.”

Sana still tries to convince them to come to the first Kosegruppa meeting, but they never show. Sana gets an apology text later in the evening from Even, explaining that he had maybe been too busy making out with Isak and they’d forgot about their previous obligations.

Sana makes a face down at her phone, one that is both disgusted _and_ disgustingly fond, before she sends off the text: _You owe me: one because I got you a boyfriend and two because you didn’t come to the meeting._

Even sends back: _We’re sorry!_ accompanied with a photo of him and Isak curled up under blankets, smiling widely.

__

In another universe, Even never leaves Sonja for Isak.

They move into an apartment together where the sink faucet always has a steady drip and they have blinds that are so old it takes years to close them.

This Even always wonders, _what if_ , every time he passes Isak in the hallways of school, but he never lets himself think about it too much.

__

The reality is that they are in this universe, and here the curtains are cardamom yellow. Here Even leaves daily comics as sticky notes in the pages of Isak’s notebook for him to find. Here Isak goes to bed every night with his boyfriend’s arm hooked around his waist, thinking about how if only the Isak who cuddled with Sara could see him now. He had always hated being the big spoon.

Here things aren’t always easy, but they’re so often _good_. Even knows that maybe there are universes where they have it easier, where maybe things are better, but he also knows that there are worlds where things happen that are more awful that he can comprehend.

Here Even trails his thumb across Isak’s lips as he naps beside him in the lazy morning sun, and watches as Isak scrunches his face up at the touch. He opens his eyes only a sliver, enough to see Even’s face.

“Stop,” he whines, “I’m trying to sleep.”

Even laughs at him and smiles, happiness spreading across all the corners of his face. He removes his thumb and kisses Isak softly on the lips instead.

“I’m sorry,” he says fondly.

Even can see the way Isak tries to tug down a small smile of his own. Isak sighs instead and says, “It’s fine,” as he nuzzles his head into Even’s neck.

Here Even runs his hands through Isak’s hair and thinks, not for the first time, how thankful he is to be in this universe.


End file.
